The Turkey Which the Devil Could Not Contain
by Jennifer Kinneas
Summary: Fujin finally finds someone that understands her, but Seifer tries to take them away. They may not be what they seem, but then again you could just look at the title.


!WARNING!: As you might have guessed, the devil is used in a humorous way in this story. I don't really know if this would offend some people, because I have never been a part of any religion. I don't insult religion or anything, but… I don't know! Just use discretion! Some people might not like me joking about the devil… yeah… 

ME LIKE COMMAS! 

Disclaimer: I like don't make any profit. And like… I don't own the characters, except for:

****

The Turkey Which the Devil Could Not Contain

Deep in the… um, place where the devil lives, there was a chicken farm. It was a good chicken farm, with very healthy chickens.

The devil loved his chickens more than he loved anything. Actually, he hated everything but his chickens, and he was never happy with the turkey, but he needed him.

The turkey was far more evil than the devil, and he was out of control. So one day the devil decided to order a new turkey, because he had already used his powers to make it so the chickens could only have girls, to avoid more havoc. 

But there was a problem with this plan, every time the devil tried to order a turkey from the only place he knew the people that answered were so afraid of his sinister voice that they hung up. He tried to find a way he could order through mail, but the devil did not even understand mail, and had never gotten any.

It all seemed hopeless. Then he got an idea.

***

"Fu… you're too small, ya know?"

"NEGATIVE." Oh, life wasn't fair! She wanted to lift furniture with big sweaty men. She was strong enough!

"Fu, Seifer wouldn't want you to come, ya know?" Raijin told her. 

Then he left, leaving her with what seemed like a million questions. Not want her? Was it because she was… too little?

***

As that went on, the devil turned on his computer. 

__

Hmmm, the devil 'hmmmed' as he signed into his customized MSN. He looked at the list of people that wanted something bad enough to sell their soul. He looked at the first on the list. "Almasy."

The devil then transported himself to Seifer, who was watching a porno movie in the comfort of his new home.

__

I know you want something, the devil said as he stood in front of Seifer.

"Get out of the way! You threw off my groove!"

__

How dare you talk to me like that! The devil screamed. 

"FUJIN!" Seifer yelled and Fujin quickly came running to the rescue. "He threw off my groove!"

Maybe the devil did loose a bit of dignity flying out of the window by Fujin's boot, but he wasn't done yet. He couldn't let these petty humans beat him!

"Bing bong!" the doorbell rang. The devil might as well try the old fashioned approach for once. 

Fortunately, Fujin didn't answer the door, or there would have been bloodshed. Raijin was the people person of the house, and always answered the door.

"I'm looking for a Seifer Almasy."

Meanwhile Fujin was in her bedroom, just staring out the window, waiting for Seifer to need something. Today had been quite an uneventful day, as were most porn video days. Then she caught something in the air. Her angry scent was at the door- the scent she left on all the people she threw out of the house. 

No one she threw out could come back! It was her house! No, it was her master's house, but it was her job to protect his house! 

So a very angry Fujin charged to the door and managed to chase the devil three blocks down. If only she knew what an honor it was, but it probably wouldn't matter to her anyway, unless Seifer said something about it.

The devil was still not beat. He had a new plan, so he rang the door again.

This time Raijin knew better than to open the door right away, considering Fujin's last reaction. Instead he peeped through the peephole and asked who it was.

"This is Seifer's granny," replied and old, kind sounding voice. "I've brought him some cookies."

When Raijin did open the door he saw a very short old lady with giant spectacles and a handkerchief over her head. 

"I didn't think Seifer had a granny, ya know?" Raijin said loudly, which was the downfall of the devil's brilliant plan. 

Seifer had been stroking Fujin's stomach absent mindedly, to reward her for such a good show with the last visitor, and she had been in a very tranquil state. However, Raijin's loud voice was enough to make her realize the unwanted visitor was back.

Author: *cues Harry Potter music*

And NO ONE stayed once she decided to boot them. She had a plan to not just get rid of the devil but get rid of his dignity. She walked to the door.

"GRANDMA. WHAT A BIIIIIIG ASS YOU HAVE." Her throat didn't exactly like that. It was the longest thing she had said in a long time, but it was worth it when the devil burst into tears.

"I asked the man in the store if it made me look fat but nooo… WHY, GOD? WHY?!" He ran down the street in shame, and Fujin spent the day chasing him for sport.

By the time it was getting dark she was a very tired, dehydrated albino. Then there was one of those perfect TV moments as Raijin looked into the sunset and said, "Someone will sleep well tonight, ya know?" only he didn't have a wife to hug, so he just leaned on the doorframe and smiled extra hard to make up for it.

Fujin did sleep well, but because she ended up so far away from home, she slept in an alley where she met a man named Jack. He told her many stories and taught her how to cheat people out of their money through gambling.

So, deep in the night, when the devil was still asleep, he took the opportunity to speak to Seifer.

"I know you want something," he whispered as he climbed through the window. "And I can make it true. I can make it happen."

"You already did." Seifer was looking very satisfied in his bed. "I just needed Fujin to get out of the house so I could have some sex. You can have anything of mine, and if you want me to sign anything just tell me." With that Seifer got up and started doing the 'I got laid' dance around the room.

"…I'll just grab your phone book," the devil said as he left the room. Seifer danced on, regardless. 

"I wonder why he's not afraid of my voice," mumbled the devil when he picked up the phone book. Right then the word, 'RAGE' echoed in his head. "I see…"

He finally found a place where his order was accepted. They were already on the road, and his turkey would be there almost immediately.

A few hours later Fujin meandered towards the direction of her master's home. It was about five in the morning, but she had to get started on getting home so she would be able to protect her master by the time people started coming.

It was good days like this that she felt wild on, and as the cars roared past her she couldn't help getting urges… No! She couldn't! All of those days chasing cars were over! 

But then she saw the new tires…

***

"Seifer, Fujin's been gone a long time ya know?" Raijin said another few hours later.

"Raijin… Are you actually suggesting that something is wrong with Fujin? She'll find her way home." Seifer yawned and tried to get back to sleep. "I'd kind of like to sleep you big doof. You could have at least waited until I was awake to nag me. Just stop being so silly. What's the most that could happen?"

***

"You're under arrest."

No she wasn't! What right did he have to take her away from her master? She was Fujin, protector of the great Seifer Almasy, the most talented wonderful man in the world, and the only wonderful man in the world in her opinion.

Besides, there were so many wheels on the truck, and she just wanted one! This wasn't fair!

She glared at the policeman and got upon her new wheel, then began to run backwards. Of course on the wheel, she went forwards.

"Can't… shoot… such… talent…" the police officer moaned as she sped away. "Oh well, something good did come out of this."

Looking around, he loaded the last three tires into his police car and drove off.

***

Fujin wasn't far off when she heard the cheep and looked to see the yellow ball of fluff bouncing along behind her. 

Dropping off of her wheel she went back and picked it up. 

"Cute chicken," Fujin said to herself as she stared at it, but the little ball with eyes seemed very offended. "Turkey?" 'He' seemed a lot happier as she said this.

But how could this be a turkey? It was too little! 

"Too little…" She told it, but hadn't Raijin had said to her? "Apologetic. Cute turkey." 

The ball began to bounce again with these words, and right then a terrible, evil, wonderful, and immensely strong bond began. A bond that would cause a lot of happiness, and a lot of pain.

***

Fujin walked into the door with her new prize in her pocket, and her other prize- the tire- rolling along in front of her. 

As she went down the hallway she fought dizziness, and lost. She rubbed her eyes as she fell to the floor, and here I'd like to take a moment to note the importance of school. Because in school they teach you that when you rub your eyes it sends a chemical to you brain that makes it relax so you can fall asleep. So if you ever think of dropping out of school… think of Fujin.

Anyhoo… that got her in a lot of trouble when Seifer found her with her new tire.

"FUJIN?!"

No matter how hard he yelled it couldn't bring shock upon her, and her eyes fluttered open slowly. 

'Whatty, what, what?' Clueless Fu said inside her head, then Hopeful Fu said: 'Maybe he's desperately horny and your dream is coming true.'

'Our life has no meaning!' Angst Fu screamed. 'No one-' but then Cannibal Fu ate her, and was later blown up by Heavy Artillery Fu.

"WHAT?" Fujin finally answered, and the new turkey popped up, blinking innocently.

"So you found the devil's turkey." Seifer said as he took her turkey away from her. He didn't see Fujin's mouth dropping open in shock as he inspected the turkey closer. "That's not a turkey! That's a chicken!"

"TURKEY- MINE." Fujin… er, said as she snatched it back. She didn't care if she went against her master. Making her turkey happy was her #1 priority now, and not Seifer. But what could she do now? He thought he was the boss…

All she could do was slap him and leave.

***

"Where is my turkey?" The devil screamed at Seifer as he came back.

"Fujin got it." Seifer frowned. He didn't particularly like anyone spitting in his face. 

"WHAT?! She'll roast it! We have to find her now!"

The devil barged into the living room to find Fujin playing Final Fantasy VI. 

"GIVE ME MY TURKEY!" He screamed.

"RAGE," Fujin told the game as Kefka 'uwee-hee'ed outside of the castle of Figaro. How slimy… He reminded her of Seifer in his confidence. She ignored the yelling voice. What was it to her?

The new turkey was bouncing around in circles while watching the television. Not looking where he was going he tripped over the cord and rolled right to the devil's feet. He didn't make a peep as the devil lifted him and left without a sound.

Fujin didn't have a clue…

Just kidding! She's a woman! AND, this WAS her house, so she smirked, _barely_. He thought he was so smart. 

"Ha," she said loudly. "Ha."

"Are you challenging me? You can not challenge me! I challenge YOU!" He screamed, beginning the most fearsome…

Ass-kicking of all time. And as Fujin kicked him out of her house she made him promise never to come back again.

"Fujin…" Seifer groaned. "You can't keep a turkey. You don't even know what it needs!"

Fujin tried to cry but didn't remember where her tear ducts were. This was awful! She didn't know anything about turkeys. "LIBRARY?" She suggested, but like Seifer would consider any new ideas. "Please?"

"Ah, geez Fu…" Here his little Fu stared at him with such beauty, having to plead for the only thing she'd ever asked for. If he did this would she never ask for anything again? And was that a good thing? 

"Grrr…" Though Seifer growled at her, he wasn't truly angry, and they both knew it. "You can keep it."

**ONE MONTH LATER**

Fujin fondled Edgar's new grey feathers fondly, and smiled at the round bundle. His feathers had sleeked out a bit, but he was still as round as ever. Though her Eddy was a little chubby he was still extremely beautiful. 

Not long after the whole fiasco she had received King Edgar in Final Fantasy VI. Edgar became the young turkey's idol at first site, and he had vowed to be just like him.

Edgar… always brings in the chicks.

As for Seifer, he was extremely happy as well. His Fu was happier than before with her new freedom, and he enjoyed the happy Fu. Hey, she was starting to work because she could finally get along with other people, she had more confidence, and a little more then before was happening between them. 

Everything was back to normal… Or so he thought…

THE END

To write a sequel, or not to write a sequel? That, is the question.


End file.
